The Art of Napping

Naps not just for toddlers and lazy cats anymore. No, no. Napping is an exquisite art form, a vital component of a balanced lifestyle, and, if done right, the perfect excuse to avoid doing anything remotely productive. However, new retirees have many questions that I'll help you. We'll explore how to prepare for it, the ideal nap times, the frequency of naps, the role of dreams, and whether snacks or beverages should be involved...

Preparation: The Nap Ritual

Preparation is key to a successful nap. First, create the perfect nap environment. Your bed is an obvious choice, but don't underestimate the power of a comfy couch, a recliner, or even a strategically placed hammock. The goal is to find a spot where you won’t be disturbed by children, pets, or the neighbor's overly enthusiastic leaf blower.

Next, attire. You need to dress the part. Pajamas are ideal, but in a pinch, sweatpants and an old T-shirt will do. Avoid anything with buttons, zippers, or any semblance of structure. Think soft, think fluffy, think "I just rolled out of bed, but I'm ready to roll back in."

When to Nap: Timing is Everything

The best time to nap is whenever you can get away with it. However, experts suggest early afternoon, around 1 to 3 PM, as the prime nap window. This is when your body naturally experiences a dip in energy, making it the perfect time to sneak in some shut-eye. Plus, it’s post-lunch, so you’ve already ticked off a significant daily accomplishment: eating.

Frequency: How Often Should One Nap?

How often should you nap? As often as humanly possible, of course! But if you’re looking for a more structured approach, aim for one nap a day. This keeps you refreshed without turning you into a nocturnal creature who roams the house at 3 AM, wondering why infomercials are still a thing.

Dreaming: To Dream or Not to Dream

Dreaming during naps can be a delightful bonus. Short naps (20-30 minutes) usually don't allow you to hit the dream phase, but they do leave you feeling refreshed and ready to face the world. Longer naps (60-90 minutes) can plunge you into the dream realm, which is fun until you wake up mid-dream, convinced that the toaster is plotting against you.

Snacks and Beverages: To Munch or Not to Munch

The great debate: should one indulge in snacks or beverages before napping? The answer is a resounding yes! But with caution. A light snack can help stave off hunger pangs that might interrupt your nap. Think small: a banana, a handful of nuts, or a slice of cheese. Avoid heavy, greasy foods unless you enjoy napping with the distinct possibility of waking up to heartburn.

As for beverages, steer clear of anything caffeinated unless your idea of a nap is staring at the ceiling, wide-eyed, wondering why you ever thought an espresso was a good idea. Opt for a beer, shot of whiskey, water, herbal tea, or, if you're feeling fancy, a warm glass of milk.

The Clifton Nap Flowchart

1. Feel Tired? If yes, proceed to Step 2. If no, take a nap anyway; you'll be tired soon enough.
2. Find a Spot: Bed, couch, hammock—whatever works.
3. Dress Down: Get into your comfiest clothes.
4. Snack Attack: Light snack, party beverage optional
5. Set an Alarm: Unless you want to wake up three hours later wondering what year it is.
6. Nap Time: Close your eyes and drift into sweet oblivion.

Napping is not just a necessity; it’s an art form. With the right preparation, timing, frequency, and a light snack, you can master the nap and turn it into the most delightful part of your day. So, go forth and nap, my friends. The world will be just fine without you for an hour or so.

Retirement Adventures

Retirement is like graduating from a lifelong job, but instead of a diploma, you get the freedom to do absolutely anything you want. And guess what? The options are endless, entertaining, and sometimes downright hilarious. Here’s a look at some fantastic retirement living options that Mackie and I tried or thought about that will keep you loving and living your best golden years!

Living the Southwest Dream

Imagine waking up to the serene beauty of desert landscapes, where every cactus is your neighbor and every sunset looks like a masterpiece painted by the gods. Living in the Southwest offers retirees a unique blend of tranquility and adventure. From Arizona’s breathtaking Grand Canyon to New Mexico’s artistic Santa Fe, the Southwest has something for every retiree. Just remember to keep a bottle of water handy—hydration is key when you’re chasing those desert dreams!

Florida: The Classic Choice for Snowbirds

Ah, Florida—the land of perpetual sunshine, beaches, and a retirement community on every corner. Whether you're playing shuffleboard in Sarasota or dodging alligators on a golf course in Naples, Florida is a retiree’s playground. The state offers an endless summer vibe, perfect for those who want to trade snow shovels for sandcastles. And with theme parks like Disney World and Universal Studios, your grandkids will think you’re the coolest grandparents ever!

RV Life: The Ultimate Road Trip

For those with wanderlust in their hearts, traveling in a motorhome is the epitome of retirement freedom. Imagine having a new backyard every day, from the rolling hills of Kentucky to the rugged coastline of Oregon. Part-time RV travel is gaining popularity, allowing retirees to explore without giving up the comforts of home. Just make sure you’ve got your RV driving skills down—nothing ruins a road trip like getting stuck in reverse in a Walmart parking lot.

Viva Mexico!

Why not retire where every day feels like a fiesta? Mexico offers affordable living, vibrant culture, and the best tacos you’ve ever had. Coastal towns like Puerto Vallarta and Playa del Carmen are popular among expats for their beautiful beaches and friendly locals. Plus, your retirement savings will stretch further, leaving you more pesos for margaritas and mariachi bands.

Unique Job Opportunities for the Adventurous Senior

Retirement doesn’t have to mean the end of working—just working on your own terms. Here are some quirky job options to consider:

1. Artist Relocation Program: Think Witness Protection Program for Artists. Paducah, Kentucky offers incentives for artists. You get to create, and the town gets a cultural boost. It’s a win-win!

2. Beat Harvest Worker: Channel your inner farmer and help with the sugar beet harvest. It’s hard work but offers a short-term, high-pay gig that gets you outdoors.

3. Oil Field Gate Guarding: Live on-site in your RV and guard the entrance to oil fields. It’s a job with a unique blend of solitude and responsibility. Plus, think of the stories you’ll have!

4. Camp Host: If you love the great outdoors, being a camp host is perfect. You get a free campsite in exchange for helping other campers and maintaining the grounds. It’s like being the mayor of a tiny, temporary village.

5. Seasonal Retail Worker: From helping out in a Christmas tree lot to working in a ski resort gift shop, seasonal jobs keep you busy and bring in some extra holiday cash.

Opportunities Await!

Retirement is your time to shine, explore, and maybe even find a new calling. Whether you choose to bask in the Florida sun, roam the Southwest deserts, travel the country in an RV, or immerse yourself in the vibrant culture of Mexico, there’s a retirement adventure waiting for you. And remember, every quirky job and new experience adds a hilarious chapter to your retirement story. So, here’s to the best years of your life—may they be filled with laughter, love, and endless adventures!

Ah...SeaTac Airport

 

Ah, the adventures of SeaTac airport—a mix of chaos, coffee, and the occasional tantrum, mostly entitled adults. Buckle up for my journey through the trials of dropping off rental cars, navigating TSA, surviving irate people, and braving overpriced coffee, all while wondering if my flight to Phoenix will leave on time. 

1. Rental Car Return: Ever tried to drop off a rental car at SeaTac? It's like entering a labyrinth. You navigate through the rental car shuttle maze, hoping not to miss your drop-off stop while praying the car’s GPS doesn’t decide to take me on a detour. I won’t even go into the standing-room only bus to get to the north terminal. 

2. TSA Shenanigans: TSA at SeaTac is a game of "how well can you pack your carry-ons?" Forget Tetris; this is the real challenge. I watch in awe as people try to smuggle giant bottles of shampoo and the world's largest jar of peanut butter through security, causing delays longer than the wait for your morning coffee. 

3. Little Rascals (Irate Children): Ah, the joys of travel with kids. At SeaTac, one witnesses the spectacle of tiny humans expressing their feelings about the early morning flight they never wanted to take. It seems everyone at gate N11 has a similar tale. Pro tip: bribe them with promises of airport snacks to avoid a public meltdown. 

4. Coffee Dilemma: Speaking of snacks, SeaTac boasts coffee that's worth its weight in gold. Prepare to part ways with a Hamilton for a cup of Joe that may or may notes jumpstart your day faster than your flight boarding. 

5. Flight to Phoenix—Myth or Reality: As one sips an overpriced brew and watches the departure board, I ponder one of life's greatest questions: will my plane to Phoenix leave on time, or will I spend more quality time exploring SeaTac's charming terminals? 

Surviving SeaTac is an art form—a delicate dance between patience, caffeine consumption, and child negotiation skills. Embrace the chaos, laugh at the absurdity, and remember that no matter how long it takes to get through TSA, there's always a story to tell at the gate. 

 

Retirement - What Now?

Retirement Challenges: The Funny Side of Growing Old (But Not Up!) 

Retirement—it’s the time of life we’ve all been waiting for, right? Relaxing on a beach, sipping margaritas, and enjoying the good life. Well, hold on to your dentures because retirement isn’t all sunshine and siestas. Here’s a humorous take on some unexpected challenges you might face when you finally bid farewell to the 9-to-5 grind. 

So, here I am, writing about retirement—probably because my attempts at mastering shuffleboard and birdwatching have been utter flops. And let’s not forget my volumes of work related documents that no one ever glanced at. Seriously, they make excellent paperweights. But hey, if you’re reading this, thanks for being in the elite group of people who find retirement writing riveting. So, grab a rocking chair (or a cozy spot on the couch), and let’s navigate the hilarity and hazards of retirement together! 

  

Lost in Translation: Technology Edition 

Remember when your grandkids tried to teach you how to use your smartphone? Well, retirement brings a whole new level of tech confusion. From deciphering emojis in group chats to figuring out why your TV remote has more buttons than a spaceship, keeping up with technology can feel like a crash course in alien communication. And don’t get us started on those automatic checkout machines at the grocery store—they’re like a Rubik’s cube for retirees! 

  

Fashion Police: From Power Suits to Leisure Suits 

Say goodbye to your sharp office attire and hello to the wonderful world of leisure wear. Retirement is all about comfort, whether it’s rocking those socks-with-sandals combos or proudly sporting your "I Heart Bingo" t-shirt. Who needs haute couture when you’ve got elastic waistbands and Velcro shoes? Just remember, the key to retirement fashion is embracing the motto: "Comfort first, style second (or maybe never)." 

  

RSVP Hell: The Social Calendar Conundrum 

You thought retirement meant endless free time for hobbies and relaxation? Think again! Suddenly, your calendar is packed tighter than a sardine can at the annual retirement home dance-off. Between coffee mornings, bridge tournaments, and senior yoga classes, you’re busier than you ever were at work. And let’s not forget the endless stream of karaoke parties, happy hours and potlucks—your social life is so active, you’re considering hiring a personal assistant to manage your RSVPs! 

  

Memory Lane: Where Did I Put My...? 

Ah, the joys of aging gracefully! Retirement comes with its own version of hide-and-seek: searching for your keys, your glasses, your dignity... You’ve mastered the art of retracing your steps like a detective, only to find your glasses perched atop your head (again). And let’s not even mention the mystery of the disappearing remote control—seriously, does it have legs? Maybe the cat moved it again... 

  

DIY Adventures: Retirement Home Renovation Edition 

Who needs HGTV when you’ve got retirement home renovation projects? From fixing leaky faucets to painting the living room "mellow mustard," you’re suddenly channeling your inner Bob Vila. Sure, there may have been a minor incident with the electric drill and the washing machine, but hey, retirement is all about embracing new hobbies—like home improvement or extreme sunbathing. 

 

There's More to the Journey

While retirement may have its share of unexpected challenges, it’s also a time for laughter, relaxation, and embracing life’s quirks. From tech troubles to fashion faux pas and everything in between, each day brings a new adventure in the wild world of retirement. So, raise your prune juice (or maybe a slightly stronger beverage) to the journey ahead—may your days be filled with laughter, love, and just the right amount of chaos. After all, growing old gracefully is overrated—let’s grow old hilariously instead! Cheers to retirement, where every challenge is just another opportunity for a good story.